Memories and ghosts
by Jukori
Summary: After Steve found Bucky and things were sorted out, he finally brought him home to the Avengers Tower and life goes on. This FanFiction centers mostly around Bucky Barnes, recovering his old memories and the new ones he is about to make with this strange group of superheroes (no OC's)
1. Welcome home

"What's this?" Bucky asked in his usual monotone voice.

"It's a present of course," Tony grinned from one ear to the other, while shoving a small packet into the ex-assassins hands. In contrast to Barnes _he_ could barely contain his excitement.

"For you," Steve added a little uneasy, as if he wasn't sure that _this_ was actually a good idea. He smiled nonetheless.

"From all of us," Natasha cut in.

"To welcome you friend," Thor said into the uncomfortable silence that followed without batting an eye. That alone should count as superpower on it's own. Who needs a hammer that holds the strength of the universe when you can conquer awkwardness with the power of coherent speech?

"We hope you like it," came it calmly from Bruce.

For a moment Bucky seemed confused, uncertain of what to do - of what was expected from him.

"...Thanks," he tested the word in his mouth. It felt foreign.

He looked at Steve for confirmation and got a small encouraging nod in return.

"Open it!" Clint laughed good-natured. However, Steve winced at the order, even if it wasn't intended to be one.

Bucky obeyed anyway. He removed systematically the teddy-bear gift wrap with a calculated precision he always used these days and revealed a book. It was covert with even more teddies. A photo album he noticed.

"I admit it's a little old-fashioned. I was going for a holographic projector instead, but Steve insisted so..."

Bucky ignored Tony's chatter and flipped the book unsure open. Lost in his mind he let his fingers gently wander over the empty, white pages.

"We thought it would be nice, ahem to make some memories of your own. You know taking pictures and stuff...," Tony rambled on, getting a bit nervous from Bucky's reaction, or the lack of it.

"If you want to," Steve stepped in.

Bucky didn't reply and as the silence stretched on tension started to grow between them.

"Good lord Stark, would you stop this! Seriously how old are you? Eight?" Natasha elbowed the genius/ billionaire/ playboy/ philanthropist into his side and finally stopped him from swinging up and down on his heels, like a preschooler waiting for a treat, or more likely, in Tony's case, a new chemistry set. Tony was never good at dealing with a) silence and b) waiting. And in his defense he had coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Coffee was good.

"Oi!" the said genius exclaimed pseudo scandalized. "Like the title, though"

Natasha rolled her eyes in annoyance and just like that the little group was back to normal, with all the their bickering and friendly teasing.

"Thanks", Bucky said again with more confidence and certainty this time.

Steve smiled.

And let alone therefore the team effort was worth it. Mission accomplished.

.

.

.

They hadn't actually said 'welcome home', that would have been a little too much, but to Steve it damn well felt like it anyway. Still he wasn't sure that this was a good idea. It remained to be seen.

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><p><strong>AN:**

awwww it feels good to finally be able to write something, even if it's embarrassingly short. I have the worst writers block ever and gosh some of you know that this is going on for almost 2 years now. (Sorry) So here is my new obsession: Captain America and the Avengers

I hope you like it so far. it has been a long time since I wrote something and english isn't my native language, so if you find any mistakes, something that doesn't make sense, sounds weird or if you have some questions or **plot ideas** please let me know! I want to improve my writing and I am open for any help I can get ;)

**Reviews are awesome! And so are you!**


	2. ACT

This was Sam's fault, Bucky decided. He had started this, this … whatever _it _was.

Steve was reading the book again and Bucky hated it. More specific: he hated the frown on Steve's forehead that always accompanied him once he was absorbing the content of the damn thing. It made him feel like he failed Steve in someway or another. He probably had.

But Bucky would never tell him that and he would never ask him to stop reading. Though, he had other ways. He discovered that when he just stared long enough at Steve he would put the book eventually down and start a one-sided conversation, while wearing one of those ugly forced smiles of his- A bittersweet victory.

Bucky also never asked _why _Steve was reading it. This he knew. It was his fault. It was because Bucky refused therapy. But he really didn't want anybody to look inside his head, not even a shrink. God, _he_ didn't even want to look inside, let alone Steve. So Bucky kept quiet and hid behind his mask, watching Steve being miserable and at the same time pretending to be not. He was such a liar, but then again so was Steve.

Besides, there were already plenty of people out there who had messed with his mind, no need for more, thanks. The only exception was Sam, but he didn't really count, cause Sam was a soldier first.

He remembered Sam pulling a face when Steve first wanted the book, telling him that it didn't work like this and almost declining the request. But ultimately he gave in. Steve has always been a stubborn little shit if he wanted. Be careful, Sam had warned him while handing it over.

And now Steve was reading day and night this stupid self-help book about acceptance and commitment, with fancy words like 'post traumatic stress disorder' and 'dissociative symptoms' and ... stuff. Sometimes he even made little notes on the side or marked the passages which he deemed important enough. Steve had asked him if he wanted to see it, but Bucky had shaken his head vehement and quite literally fled the room. He had never touched the damn thing once. It scared him. It made him feel small…incomplete…angry. He wasn't sure.

Bucky hated it.


	3. Manners matter

Tony glanced at his Rolex and sighed.

By now Steve was doing his best impression of a statue for solid 15 minutes. He was getting the hang of it, Tony thought absently. Barnes must have taught him the trick, but then again Rogers turned-friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend wasn't much of a talker these days. Honestly he wasn't much of anything, and if it weren't for all the story's his dad had told him about the famous 'Howling Commando' he wouldn't have believed Steve a single word about who this man was supposed to be. However this was then and now was now.

Steve still hasn't moved from his spot by the kitchen counter, blocking successfully all things on it, which included the toaster and more importantly the coffee maker. It drove Tony nuts. For once he should have listened to Pepper, to not mess with the one in his laboratory, but he was curious and his fingers had itched to take it apart, so he just did. That's how Tony worked, and he liked it. Right now, though, Tony didn't need to work, he needed to function - two different things.

Americas Icon number one was currently occupied with_ his_ favorite past-time activity aka. silently staring a hole at 'Bucky' Barnes head, while having this lost longing look in his eyes. It was utterly disturbing in Tony's opinion, last but not least cause it was boring as hell. Barnes never did anything. If he at least would once in a while go berserk, that would be interesting, but no, the frozen and brainwashed pride of Hydra was gentle as a lamb. Yeah, gentle as a lamb, but at the same time scary as fuck.

Said man was placed in front of the TV in the living room. A remote rested peacefully in his lap and there was also an empty plate and a glass on the table next to him. He almost seemed normal. Almost. The fact that his gaze was actually focused somewhere around the left corner_ above_ the TV-screen and his blank expression were still a dead giveaway. The situation was a bit of a comedy act in itself: Tony staring at Steve. Steve staring at Barnes. Barnes staring at the wall. He wondered where the wall would stare if it had eyes.

But back to the task at hand. The billionaire started his third, yeah, you heard right, fucking third (!) attempt to get the attention of the all mighty Captain America. He cleared his throat with a not so subtle cough and got, unsurprisingly, no reaction. Tony doubt even an armada of giant mutated Nazi killer goldfish would.

Contrary to the general belief Tony wasn't a total ignorant bastard. Of course he knew that Steve wasn't intentional messing with him, well not on a big scale anyway. He was not blind either. Cap had been off his game ever since Barnes returned. The ghosts of the past had haunted both of them. And truly in any other given situation Tony would at least try to be a little more supportive and understanding, but Jeez every man had his limits, and he reached his. Before Tony could even so much as appreciate, let alone recognize, the heartbreaking tragedy that enrolled in front of him, he needed coffee. Badly. His first cup of brown gold in the morning -like really, _really_ early morning- was not optional, it was vital. More precisely, it was a high priority problem that had to be addressed _immediately_, or gruesome things would follow. Gosh, super villains would be a lot more successful in their attempts to take over the world if they just cut of the Avengers from coffee, it's a wonder no one figured it out yet.

Oh, screw it, Tony thought, subtlety was never his strong point anyhow. That's what Pepper was there for, as well as for patience, he added in an afterthought.

"Yo!" Tony raised his voice in a semi-shout. It harbored this kind of passive-aggressive annoyance only a truly desperate man could muster in the face of Captain America.

No reaction.

"Earth to 'Captain Small Ass'!"

Thankfully the nickname Sam had established worked to a certain degree and Steve finally took pity on Tony and acknowledged his existence. God bless Sam Wilson.

"Move it!", Tony continued his journey to the life preventing coffee maker.

With a slightly irritated look, as if Tony was the crazy one here, Steve turned his head. However it didn't occur to him that his mighty star spangled butt still blocked the way. Tony wanted to throw up his arms and shout his frustration into the world. He would have, but then again coffee-deprivation.

To be fair, the Captain America boxer shorts that covered Steve's ass was in fact a gift from Tony himself. He was not entirely sure why exactly Steve was wearing them now, he never seemed interested in all the captain america merchandise before, but who was Tony to complain? His eyes lingered a little longer than what would be deemed appropriate, thought no one could blame him, Cap just looked absolutely ridiculous in them.

"That's rude."

The sudden voice startled both man enough to make them literally jump in surprise.

Some might think you get used to people materializing out of thin air, but no, you actually don't. Tony was almost positive that he would rather die of an heart attack, than from a bullet. There were just way too many spies in his life to not to. Worst two_ bucks_ – he giggled inwardly at his own joke, like the prepubertal brat he mentally was- he ever spent on a fortuneteller.

"Jesus! Somebody should put a bell on you," Tony said out of reflex, cause cocky remarks recovered always faster than brain activity.

After Tony survived the first shock of Barnes sneaking up on him his brain decided to work again and he had time to ultimately progress Barnes words. There was a beat and then Tony asked "What?"

Okay, admittedly not the best work of Tony's brain, in his defense the conditions were not optimal.

"Calling someone names is rude," Bucky clarified with a frown on his face, as if he himself wasn't one hundred percent certain where that came from. His cold gaze was fixed on Tony. No need to say that it was downright terrifying and the 'don't call him that' hung heavy in the air. Tony breathed out a small nervous laugh, to cover his own tension, while all people present tactfully ignored the full body flinch from the billionaire, as Bucky leaned past him and reached casual for another bottle of orange juice.

"I...uhm, Sorry?", Tony tried a little perplexed about the unexpected lesson in manners.

Barnes seemed pleased by this reply... well he looked slightly less murderous than before, and nodded seriously.

In addition to Steve being around, Tony was sure that the only thing that saved his life from a horrendous death was the right mix of shock and self-preservation that had coaxed this particular response out of his mouth - Thanks for nothing brain! Where were you when needed?

"What was that about?", Tony asked confused as Bucky retreated back to the living room, watching whatever it was the assassin - ex assassin Tony reminded himself on Steve's behalf- took an interest in. Probably Nickelodeon.

Steve smiled and just shook his head in silent amusement.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

Thanks for the review **Elise**. I am glad you like the story so far. It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well :)


	4. Manners matter mostly?

_A steady stream of blood dripped slowly down his lips, accompanied by a familiar taste of metal in his mouth. He spat another pile of red liquid on the ground and thoughtlessly wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve, like he had done it a million times before. Steve didn't kept count._

_His head started to feel heavy in the thickening darkness. The faint light of the streets barely managed to illuminate the shady back alley he was in. He usually ended up here, one way or another. Bucky had even gone so far as calling it 'Steve's kinky hobby' and he admitted that the jerk got a point, though it was not like Steve was looking for trouble, but someone had to help._

_Large hands pushed forcefully against his scrawny body, keeping him trapped between an old fence and some dented trash cans. His legs began to tremble dangerously under his own weight and he had to lean against a solid brick wall for support. The cold stone made his skin crawl uncomfortable and he felt every muscle burn in protest. To be honest, Steve was tired, tired of fighting. But more so he was tired of running. Never again he had sworn himself. He'd rather fight. He had to. And after all, he was still standing. In the end that's what mattered._

_A set of knuckles jolted him back to reality as it merciless buried it's way into Steve's stomach. The pain made him bend over, but he didn't went down, not yet, not ever. He refused to. Still on his feet he tried to defend himself as best as he could: Fists in the air, chin up and still fucking standing._

_On instinct Steve stumbled forward, trying desperately to land a punch of his own. Deep ugly laughter followed, belittling his fruitless attempts._

_"What are you gonna do now?" Asked the owner of the knee that was currently occupied with bashing Steve's insides._

_"No one's coming for you," the nasty voice continued while Steve was lifted off his feet._

_"You wanna know why?" it hissed into his ear._

_"Can't we just go back to the part where you hit me?" Steve replied, successfully managing to sound hopeful._

_That earned him another punch in the face, before he was brutally smashed against the nearest wall. He hit the back of his head real hard in the process. Blood ran down his neck and at some point Steve swore he could actually see stars spinning around him._

_"Cause nobody gives a fuck about shit like you."_

_Steve didn't remember going down, but he must have. He could feel the dirt beneath his fingers. A shadow loomed over him and for a moment he thought that this was it, he was going to be swallowed. He didn't, but now there was a boot on top of his chest and breathing became suddenly ridiculous difficult. It was not even funny anymore._

_He wanted to stand up, wanted to fight. He wanted to make the pain stop. However his treacherous body wouldn't let him- nothing new either._

_Darkness was about to take him and the next thing he knew was that the weight, that threatened to crush him, was lifted. He could hear Bucky's clear voice in the distance and with it came the light back._

_"Didn't anybody taught you some manners? Name-calling is _very_ rude," Bucky sing-songed, but despite his nonchalant tone something dangerous lingered behind his eyes. He must be really pissed, Steve assumed._

_He watched in silence as Bucky effortless dodged an attack and countered swiftly with a well-placed kick into the thug's rear. After they exchanged a few more blows the guy seemed to finally have enough and took off._

_Bucky made it look so easy. Steve never begrudged him that. The thing was: they were supposed to be _equals_, but in such situations he was painfully reminded that they were actually not. Not in every aspect and it hurt._

_"You're okay?" Bucky called from above._

_Steve nodded and looked up just in time to see Bucky's cocky grin that never seemed to completely disappear. He briefly wondered how the world must saw the two of them._

_Once Bucky had told him that saving Steve's sorry ass came as natural as breathing, closely followed by worrying about said ass. Steve had asthma, so so much for that. Bucky wasn't supposed to be his knight in a shining armour. Steve forbade it, cause he outright refused to be the damsel in distress. Nonetheless Bucky always had his back and this was good to know._

_The brunet man sighted and shook his head pseudo-theatrical. "Seriously Steve, if you don't stop pulling those stunts people will think you like getting punched." He kept his words light, but the slight tremble in his voice still gave him away._

_"Look, I couldn't care less what gets you going pal, just next time let me in on the fun ok?" He smiled cheeky at Steve and stretched his hand out to help the smaller one up._

_And with a pang it hit Steve again just how much he actually loved this stupid idiot, with his stupid smirk and all his stupid little ways of reminding him that he loved him too. Bucky was his sun, bright and beautiful and all his to keep. It was really terrifying how bad he had fallen for the bastard over the years. That was also nothing new._

_"What?" Bucky asked confused as Steve didn't respond to his comment nor accepted his offer to stand._

_The blond looked at him with an intensity that made the other more than a bit twitchy._

_"You're such a hypocrite," Steve finally announced, trying to repress a smile "If I remember correctly, and I do, you called me 'lil' shit' this morning."_

_"That does not count. It's totally different," Bucky replied, like he had no care in the world, while withholding his own smile. He was curious where Steve was going with this._

_"And how so?"_

_"All out of context," Bucky chirped and flashed him a shit eating grin. It was Steve's favorite, cause he knew how it felt on his skin._

_"Hmm," Steve absently licked over his mouth before he professionally fixed his expression from hungry predator to lovely angel._

_"So does that mean it also didn't count when you called me 'God'?" He actually got the nerve to fucking pout._

_"What? When did I- ," Bucky groaned at the involuntary pictures that flashed through his mind. Heat creeped up his neck and collarbone._

_"Fuck."_

_"Exactly."_

_Steve was smirking up at him in a way that Bucky always kind of assumed was only reserved for burlesque performers. A deep blush spread over his face, while he thought about this particular context. In it Steve was also on his knees. Red swollen lips wrapped around his -_

_"Ohhhh... ahhhhh God, God Steeve! Yeah!" Steve mimicked Buckys words in mockery without breaking eye contact._

_Bucky ears burned so hard by now he wondered why the top of his head wouldn't just simply blow off. How anybody could mistake Steve for an innocent, darling boy was far behind him._

_"Oh, shut it punk!" He managed._

_"No, you see, this is where you come in and make me-"_

_Bucky finally seemed to get the message and for the second time of the day Steve ended up pressed against a wall. But this time he couldn't be happier about it. Usually Bucky wasn't often up for this kind of affection in the open. Steve understood. It didn't mean he liked it, though._

_There was a light breath ghosting over his face and then Bucky's lips were on him, all hot and demanding and always begging for more. It made Steve's body arche in excitement and his split lips stung in the most delicious ways. Through the layers of cloth he could feel Bucky's body heat radiating and his fingers itched for the warm flesh beneath._

_"Shit," Bucky cursed, when they parted, all tousled hair and wide pupils._

_"See? Hypocrite," Steve laughed in delight. This round definitely went to him._

_The shove in the ribs that followed was absolutely deserved in Buckys opinion._

_"Jerk"_

_"Punk"_

_._

_._

_._

_Maybe they weren't equals yet, Steve thought absently as their shoulders bumped into each other on the way back to their little apartment, but he was still standing and that meant they could walk the road together._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Uhm, fluff was requested from **ShunKazamis-Girl ** and that came out. I am sure it is somewhere in there. I hope you like it + thx for your review! next time I try something more happy.

**reviews are awesome!**


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